


feeling super super super!

by crypticjeggings



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Eating Disorders, Ficlet, Mental Breakdown, and you're telling me allison hasn't felt guilt at all other than the claire thing?, listen i don't think all that attention is good for teenagers, this takes place while she's a teenager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 20:32:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18105953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crypticjeggings/pseuds/crypticjeggings
Summary: The pressure is crushing. The guilt overwhelms.Allison Hargreeves can't help but crack sometimes.





	feeling super super super!

The guilt is crushing sometimes.

Allison doesn’t deserve what she has, doesn’t deserve any of it. Tears are smeared across her cheeks, but at this point, through trial and error, she’s found a waterproof makeup that doesn’t smudge.

She’s twisted and manipulated everyone and anyone to get here. She’s robbed people more worthy than her of chances. She’s not good at any of this, she doesn’t deserve this attention, and her thoughts are twisting out of control until they’ve escaped her grasp and she can’t control them and they’re pouring down like rain, searing through her skin and reaching into her bones.

She’s crouched at the toilet, her chest heaving. Allison feels like she’s gagging, even though there’s nothing to gag on. Her throat hurts and spit dribbles down her chin. She has no idea how she got here. 

It’s like she’s mindless, can’t think for herself, but this is only karma. It’s just what she gets for inflicting this on countless others.

Everything seems to sting her body. Her body that she takes so much care of, just to create a perfect image for the media, feels like it’s being poisoned inside out. Every time she eats it feels like daggers sliding down her throat, every time she cries it’s like acid tearing at her cheeks, whenever she showers and scrubs her skin clean of any blood from last night’s mission, it’s like rocks tearing at her. 

She’s perfected a smile for the cameras, perfected a smile for her family, perfected a smile for everyone. Sometimes, it’s not fake, and she  _ does _ feel like she’s doing amazing, like this is what she’s destined for. To be in the spotlight, to have the attention, and goddamnit if she won’t love it.

But then she’s alone at night, her siblings all in their rooms by themselves, and she’s just alone. Alone and on the bathroom floor. 

Broken.

She lets herself cry, she always does. But not for long. Before anyone can find her, she picks herself up, redoes the eyeliner where it’s smudged, plasters on a smile, and is ready to show herself again.

After all, who would Allison Hargreeves, the Rumor, Number Four, be if she wasn’t always presentable?

_Almost_ always presentable.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3


End file.
